It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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