Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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