I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
