She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
