she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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