Pappa wants mamma naked
Only a mothe r could love this liver
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
