Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
