I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
