"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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