can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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