if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
