remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize
