Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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