3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
