sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
