Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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