i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
