I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
