Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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