Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
