i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
