1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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