Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
