I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She said her name was "party"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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