I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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