well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
