We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
