you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
