sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
