On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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