i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I lost the right to judge tonight
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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