I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
