the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
