Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
