I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I deserve this hangover.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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