I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
