So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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