You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
