he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
