2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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