dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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