Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize