I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
