I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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