It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
