I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
