I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
