this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
