What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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