I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize