I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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