So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
