That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This baby is an asshole
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize