all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
