I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Come on in and take your pants off
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