The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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