I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
