making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
