I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
