I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i am craving dick and cupcakes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
