Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
